You know, I honestly thought people already know this but once again, I am wrong. Really need to do something about that. I need to keep teaching my mind, common sense is not at all common.
A bit of history
My mom was not very strict with having boyfriends. I was twelve when she asked and told me about it. She said boyfriends are allowed so long as they go to our house. They need to court me properly and dates are always going to be accompanied by chaperons. That’s either her or any other adult relative. Here in the Philippines, men court women. And I grew up in that setting. But now, we’re living in a modern world and men are different.
I had my first boyfriend at the age of fifteen. Funny, because I didn’t know he was my boyfriend until he showed up at our doorstep on Valentine’s Day. (He told me that he was my boyfriend.) My mom hurriedly prepared a good dinner and that was my first Valentine Date: dinner by candlelight. At that time, the Philippines had a power crisis. So naturally, everyone in the Philippines were spending every night with candlelights. Our relationship lasted for nearly two years. The following year, our Valentine Date was still at home while I was ironing clothes. He brought a truckload of food from Chowking. He knew I was busy, tired and was being such a hardworking daughter. So he made me laugh while I was sweating like a pig. And then, gave me a hearty meal. He’s a year older than me.
When I got to college, I would commute from Uni – which is in Manila – and then back home to Bulacan. I’ve always loved road trips, which I’m thrilled my Twitter followers (really good friends there) know so well. And on Valentine’s Day, I would always be surprised by a random stranger, down on his knees greeting me in front of a large crowd with red roses in his hands. Looking back, I remember it happens every year. And during that time, it was one of the reasons why I greatly dreaded Valentine’s Day in Uni. But I also couldn’t forget that I did my best to behave really well by accepting the flowers, giving the sweetest smile (as I possibly could) and saying thank you.
Big BUT, I have never been comfortable receiving grand gestures of ‘love’ (daw) by a random stranger. I find it creepy. I’ve always considered myself a bad girl because after the theatrics, I would flee from the scene and put the flowers onto the next bin. Sorry, guys. Sincerely.
With the other boyfriends, Valentine’s was never an issue. Maybe because my ex’s and I have the same understanding of what Love really is. And that Valentine’s Day has nothing to do with it. I don’t even remember ever celebrating the day with my ex-boyfriend for four years. But how important really is a Valentine Date?
For the brokenhearted people reading this, please know, pain is good. Let me tell you why. 😀
I did a bit of research with what really happens when we feel heartache because of a love gone wrong. So when the person we thought we love leaves us (and for some, especially on Valentine’s day, as if it’s a bigger deal), we are hurt. Of course. We feel all sorts of things. We make excuses to skip work, stay away from friends and suffer in our solitude.
Let’s try to understand.
Science claims that the ‘stress hormone’ our brain releases called cortisol has a lot to do with how our body reacts to pain . It’s interesting that while it is an important hormone in the body, like everything else, it also has its bad side. To illustrate the bad side, when we experience heartbreak, that time when you finally realise it’s done between you and your love (scientifically, they call it long-term trauma), the brain pumps out too much cortisol in our bloodstream. That sends out all sorts of signal to the muscles which then makes the muscles swollen. When that happens, we experience headache, that ‘awful squeezing sensation in the chest,’ vomiting, and also we become vulnerable to bad bacteria & viruses – or colds. We then label it the ‘post relationship’ stage.
Now we ask how are all these good? You experience all these terrible things, what good could possibly come out of it? Well, Science says, “the more negative feelings to reduce, the more relief we gain.” To say it another way, if you’ve been hurt that bad, you can be rest assured that it is nothing compared to the relief you will experience afterwards. And notice, I mentioned the ‘brain’ and not the heart. That means you and I can choose to think about better things when it comes to relationship break ups. Isn’t that just amazing? And that’s just Science talking. I haven’t even mentioned anything Biblical.
Reading about how our body is ‘wired’ about all these things makes me appreciate God more. The Bible said ‘God formed a man from the dust of the ground and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life…‘ (Gen. 2:7, NIV). And viola! Our body is equipped to handle anything. So tell me, who needs a date? 😀
So don’t waste your time thinking about the man who claims he’s decent and godly but played with your feelings and humiliated you. He’s not worth it. Choose to stop thinking about the girl who manipulated you and took advantage of your feelings and weaknesses. She’s not worth it.
So what exactly are we to do with the memory of these people? Science offers: to relax, take a deep breath, work out, talk to your friends, learn how to manage and be sensitive to stress, and maintain a low-stress lifestyle.
The Bible offers understanding, knowledge and wisdom.
Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. – 1 Corinthians 14:4-6 (NLT) If you love someone you will be loyal to him (the person – personal insert) no matter what the cost. You will always believe in him, always expect the best of him, and always stand your ground in defending him. – 1 Corinthians 13:7 (The Living Bible)
It is my prayer that this gives you a better understanding of handling pain, hurt and unreal people who just take advantage of other people. Remember, forgiveness is seventy times seven. So that’s four hundred ninety times. You can do it. 😀